"She Wasn't Born That Way.."

Please watch this video prior to continuing on-

From a man’s perspective: “Get right or you’re gonna get left.”

“In the back of our mind we say were looking for a good woman, were looking for a wife, but we treat her like a bad woman… Guilty until proven innocent. How can you build when everything your doing is to tear her down? You need to find your real. There is alot of good women out here but we turn them into bad women because of what we bring to the table... -She wasn't born that way. It comes back to us as the man... I guarantee you, if you give a woman a good dad, a good boyfriend, a good husband, her life story changes...” 
-Tony Gaskins

As I clicked on his video and began listening to him share his experience, I was not aware at the time that it was going to provide an  “ah ha” moment for me.  It was an acknowledgment of the fact that it does start with “You”(by ‘you’ I mean change starts from within).

The line that really resonated with me and caused an actual physical reaction- as if I’d been punched in the stomach-it had moved me to tears,was this: “-She wasn't born that way. It comes back to us as the man... I guarantee you, if you give a woman a good dad, a good boyfriend, a good husband, her life story changes...”  It was in this moment that I realized the pain, self-inflicted exposure to unhealthy relationships, and turmoil started long before I ever had my first boyfriend... It started in the home. His line is true “it starts with you”. 
My life story would be a completely different one had my father been the person he is now.

As men, fathers, spouses do you think of the possibly that the earliest childhood memories for your daughter might be images etched in her my mind, accompanied by brash shouting that generated fear, insecurity and sadness from a small child?  For that little girl the alcohol induced, enraged entity, might be what puts a stamp on how she would become as young woman. Not knowing at the time that due to your  “relationship retardation” she will be scarred for life.

Most do not know any better, they are merely repeating a cycle that had been passed on from a previous generation of abuse and an unhealthy foundation.

Do you know that as an adult that little scared girl remains within? Do you know that that little girl will someday become "that woman?"

As women we all want to love you, we are all that bright eyed little girl with hope, love, and adornment in her eyes for the man in her life whether he is there or not, you are our “daddy”, the first man we will ever love…

And as we grow into women we still want to love you(the man) and shower you with all our love it is simply in our nature.

However, it is the experiences that we were/are exposed to, that sometimes scar and damaged us for life. Some though, are more forgiving and believe in that hope; that one day we can heal those wounds that were inflicted upon us so early on in life.

This is my acknowledgement of where it all begins. 


This is my acknowledgement of where it all began-never did I realize it back then- but now, here it is, and there it was. That was what set the precedence for what was to come in my life. ..

It starts with you. Are you building her up or tearing her down?