"She Wasn't Born That Way.."

Please watch this video prior to continuing on-

From a man’s perspective: “Get right or you’re gonna get left.”

“In the back of our mind we say were looking for a good woman, were looking for a wife, but we treat her like a bad woman… Guilty until proven innocent. How can you build when everything your doing is to tear her down? You need to find your real. There is alot of good women out here but we turn them into bad women because of what we bring to the table... -She wasn't born that way. It comes back to us as the man... I guarantee you, if you give a woman a good dad, a good boyfriend, a good husband, her life story changes...” 
-Tony Gaskins

As I clicked on his video and began listening to him share his experience, I was not aware at the time that it was going to provide an  “ah ha” moment for me.  It was an acknowledgment of the fact that it does start with “You”(by ‘you’ I mean change starts from within).

The line that really resonated with me and caused an actual physical reaction- as if I’d been punched in the stomach-it had moved me to tears,was this: “-She wasn't born that way. It comes back to us as the man... I guarantee you, if you give a woman a good dad, a good boyfriend, a good husband, her life story changes...”  It was in this moment that I realized the pain, self-inflicted exposure to unhealthy relationships, and turmoil started long before I ever had my first boyfriend... It started in the home. His line is true “it starts with you”. 
My life story would be a completely different one had my father been the person he is now.

As men, fathers, spouses do you think of the possibly that the earliest childhood memories for your daughter might be images etched in her my mind, accompanied by brash shouting that generated fear, insecurity and sadness from a small child?  For that little girl the alcohol induced, enraged entity, might be what puts a stamp on how she would become as young woman. Not knowing at the time that due to your  “relationship retardation” she will be scarred for life.

Most do not know any better, they are merely repeating a cycle that had been passed on from a previous generation of abuse and an unhealthy foundation.

Do you know that as an adult that little scared girl remains within? Do you know that that little girl will someday become "that woman?"

As women we all want to love you, we are all that bright eyed little girl with hope, love, and adornment in her eyes for the man in her life whether he is there or not, you are our “daddy”, the first man we will ever love…

And as we grow into women we still want to love you(the man) and shower you with all our love it is simply in our nature.

However, it is the experiences that we were/are exposed to, that sometimes scar and damaged us for life. Some though, are more forgiving and believe in that hope; that one day we can heal those wounds that were inflicted upon us so early on in life.

This is my acknowledgement of where it all begins. 


This is my acknowledgement of where it all began-never did I realize it back then- but now, here it is, and there it was. That was what set the precedence for what was to come in my life. ..

It starts with you. Are you building her up or tearing her down?

Blessed- 29 years of Life

Today is one of the most memorable birthdays that I can remember. I am so overwhelmingly humbled that God has blessed me with another year of life. I know I have grown more as a person over the last year than I have in any other part of my life. - I experienced several forms of loss and looking back, I now have compassion and understand as to why this breaks a person's spirit and understand their agony; it is deep and time does help heal the pain. - I have learned over the past year to appreciate and actually see the beauty of a persons’ soul. - I am so thankful for the several beautiful individuals that have come and (sometimes) left my life in the past year, they have opened my eyes to things I never cared to pay attention to before. They are the things that matter, the things that last. Whether it was for a glimpse of time or you still remain, I love you where you are at in your journey and thank you for the impact you have made on my heart. Ah how far I have come, and I willingly admit it- those who have know me all these years can attest to this. Life has humbled me and although it has been a trip it is what I needed to become my authentic self. Lord knows why, in particular, this last year has been such an arduous one, but either way I am eternally grateful. I will continue to work towards where he is leading me; to be the best mother and take care of this beautiful angel on earth that he has given me, love my family and friends, and to make a positive impact in this world and to those around me, no matter how small it may seem.

Grandma and Grandpa Loera-I miss you so much! Now you truly know how much you have molded me into the woman I am today. Grandma thank you for leaving me with fond memories of your love as an example of how to love others through my actions. Lord I am not worthy of the blessing that you have bestowed upon my life, yet I know you have saved me through my Faith in you always. You have your reasons for allowing me to have another day, I promise- I will not let you down. 

God is Great...

I am eternally grateful 

~Sandra Inez

My Forced Hiatus

http://everhartphoto.webs.com/

Hi all! Wow it has been just over 3 weeks (24 days) since the last time that I've posted and for me, it has honestly left a void that has not been met since. I thought I would take a moment to fill you in on why there hasn't been much activity from me as of lately. I was under the weather for some time, having experience constant tension headaches and migraines back to back, day after day. It was extremely frustrating, disheartening and confusing as I am still unable to say with confidence that this bout of dis-alignment with my body is done for good. I can only pray that it is.

I've missed some work, but the lovely thing (sarcasm) about being a single mom with NO OTHER source of income is that day after day, sometimes you just have to suck it up, put on your big girl panties, and keep pushing on! Well this is exactly what I did until my body crashed at which point I ended up  seeing the doctor, getting an extremely painful shot of Toradol in my butt and several Rxs for meds that I can’t even drill down, if any worked.  So, needless to say it has been tough, however, once again I have been made extremely aware of just how damn strong I can be, when being strong is the ONLY option you have. My only regret through all of this, is that my poor baby was somewhat neglected and due to the fact that as soon as I got home every night I was lying down, I was not able to engage with her as much as she deserves. She is such a good girl and was patient and self-entertained. I am soo indescribably blessed with this child. 

Anyways through it all my thoughts have been a major jumble. So many things have come to fruition during this time, my eyes have been open to so many things and I am very eager to share with you what I have learned and been graciously reminded of. Yet, due to the fact that I am still not back to 100%, and absolutely do not want to regress, I am listening to my body and taking things slow so not putting pressure on myself. I want it to be free flowing as all my past excerpts have been. 

I am a firm believer of “practicing what you preach” and to quote Gandhi, I aim to “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I must share that I am at a point of misalignment and discourse within my heart and soul and am not sure if it is because of the stress of being so sick and not being able to control the situation on top of being stretched thin with my job.  Either way, I am working on sorting it out so that I can share with you all the revelations Ive had in this time.

Sometimes I wonder if God was trying so hard to get my attention, that this was the only way to do it, to get me to sit still for a minute and listen! I am at a crossroads in my life and I have had this feeling several times before. It is an intuition that a major change is going to happen and I welcome it, because I know it represents growth.  I am optimistically awaiting what it will be.  I am finding still, no matter how self-disciplined an individual may be, it is easy to get distracted, and these distractions are all surrounding me right now . So rather than stressing about needing to make a  move I am trying so hard to just sit back, let the smoke clear and let God lead the way… So we shall see.:)

Anyways my point being that I want the information and insights from my life to be relevant and helpful and I do not feel that I am currently at a point where I can describe these points eloquently enough, just for the moment being. I am hoping by next week I will be there. 

I will stop rambling and end with some of my points of discovery from the past few weeks:

1. In today’s society is it becoming ever increasingly harder to hear Gods voice, If you don’t make time to listen to where he is guiding you, he will find a way to reach you.  After that, it’s your choice on what you choose to do with where he is directing you. It’s been proven time and time again to me that I am in charge of my own destiny and this is the first step; it determines whether I move forward or by choosing to not adhere, realizing that, the wrong decision will set me back in this journey we call life. Do you have the courage to execute on where you are being led?

2. Choose empathy for others as a skill to cultivate and integrate as part of your life. Unfortunately, I get so caught up in the "Macho Mom" complex that at times I expect everyone to suck it up. I now realize how different people are and at times they all just can’t do that. For years, I have viewed my mother as a pillar of strength for me and to now see her as this new person, mourning the loss of both of her beloved parents among the loss of another dear relationship to her. I have realized that she is not superwoman, she has overcome great adversity, she has feelings and it will take so much time to heal, thank you to my sister for allowing me to be more cognizant of that. It is something I struggle with as I expect those that I love to be capable of what I am and I need to love them as they are and speak love. I've found that when I cannot develop empathy for others on my own, over and over, I have sure enough be placed in a role that I am forced to feel the struggles that they are dealing with. 

3. Appreciate the little things I know this is redundantly said all over but its true!-Oh how quickly they can be taken away! I APPRECIATE waking up in the morning with a clear head, I am grateful for the time that I am able to be with my amazing child. I am grateful that she enjoys and is eager to be with her mama I am soo blessed, this child blows my mind on a daily!

http://everhartphoto.webs.com/

4. And Lastly, I have discovered that children sometimes are the teachers, lord they drive you crazy but shoot over the past few weeks I have seen my angel blossom into this amazing spirit that I am so proud of. She has stepped up and accepted responsibility in a time of adversity, she has so much empathy for others, and overall her soul has shined so bright, it is contagious. Her happiness is my reward and motivation to keep going, I know I am doing something right.