Keep Going...You are more Powerful than you know.

Keep Going...

No one said it would be easy to achieve the life that you want. It takes hard work and perseverance. I'm not there yet but I've come a long way and if you were to ask me, "Was it all worth it?"

I would say a million times over YES.. the sleepless nights, the decisions in life that made you literally sick over heartache, the moments of desperation and despair, Yes it was all worth it even to get to this point... I cant wait for whats to come!

There are several things in my life that I do regret doing and wish that could go back and re-do , however, the hard work and diligence that was put into getting to where my daughter and I are at today I will never take for granted.

I am a divorced mother of a beautiful 7 year old, of those seven years, five were spent raising my daughter ALONE, and now I am back to the alone part. Apparently I work better this way... The man in our lives were not meant to be.

As a mother for the past 7 years I have sacrificed my needs, social/romantic life, housing, wants,  to ensure that my daughter is in the best care possible. 

Working as a single mom, most of the time with at least 2 jobs. at one point working 2 jobs an internship, and attending more that f/t schooling. All during these past several years at least paying out nearly $600 a month to ensure secure and quality childcare for my daughter. All but 6 months of those 7 years maintaining my finances/revenue on MY OWN without the help of government funding ie: food stamps, ICCP, etc.. this is in addition to house, utilities, car, and basic needs expenses.

Might also I mention all this has been done without a drop of $ or time spent with her, from her father. At last count, his back child support owed for his daughter was in excess of $26,000. All of which I don't believe we'll ever see. And guess what? 

We've done just fine...

I have worked extremely hard to get where we are at today with a solid career that most people work nearly 10-20 years to get to, a secure home for my daughter, a family support system that shares in the love for her, and friends and mentors that lift me up, inspire me and show me that I can achieve it all.

My heart, mind, spirit, has be broken, torn and toyed with more times than I choose to remember and still I ROSE. Yes it hurt like hell, yes there were days that I begged God to take away the pain because I could not physically handle it anymore... But then, came those days of divine clarity where I woke up and just KNEW, it was time. 

Time to move forward, time to push through, time to do what I do best...

Ladies do not allow your environment, family history, stereotypes, other people dictate who you will become. All things are possible!

I am just like you,  I came from humble beginnings, my family never had the cushion of financial stability for me to fall back on. What they did show me, was diligence and hard work. If you were willing to put in the work anything is possible!

I was never a super genius, just average intelligence, however I was adaptable, I learned early on that the more you know the more value you provide to a company. Financially  I learned how to be thrifty even scrappy, I found creative ways of bringing in revenue and in work I absorbed as much as I could that I thought would make me a valuable asset in the future and guess what? It worked!

To get to this point it took hard work, discipline, and tenacity.

Now that we are at a point where for the last few months I can enjoy the fruits of my labor, and breathe I will do it I will take it in and BREATHE. Allowing myself to reflect and to be open for the next step in life.

Anyone can do it. I am no exception. You are more powerful than you know, believe, see it, achieve it.

Hang in there. Push through and one day you will shock yourself and realize, how far you have come and see that you can achieve anything you are willing to work hard for, you will stand high, reflecting on the mountain that you have surmounted and feel pleased, proud and most of all grateful…

Keep Going...You are more Powerful than you know.

#singlemomadvise, #singlemommotivation

About this Blog, About Me...

My life's lessons...

I am a single mother to the most amazing angel on earth she is 7 years old, I refer to her as C in my blog. She is my motivation for getting to where I am now in life, and God is my driving force. 

It has been several years now that I've been working progressively towards that better future, our happy ever after, but in the process I have learned some very major, enlightening, and difficult lessons in life. 

It has been some time now that I have been contemplating putting myself out here as I have, however there does come a time where you take that single leap of faith and trust that you will fly.

My intention with this blog is not to show anything other than to provide other women, single mothers, individuals, like me inspiration,validation a relative platform, and motivation. 
Enlightenment for our lives. 

You are not alone in your journey and I hope that while many of the things I have learned in life were hard lessons I have captured the essence of what they taught me and am sharing these will you in hopes that they will help you in your journey towards achieving your dreams... 

With all my Love, my gift to you:

Finding love, Finding Myself...

 S. Inezz

Love Yourself

Recently my life has drastically changed in so many ways, the loss of a great male figure in my life, and just a couple months later, his devoted wife, my grandma, who  was a shining example of what a woman, wife, and mother should be and although at the end of her days she was suffering severely from Alzheimer's, I never once questioned my love for her and tried to visit her as much as I could because the love that she'd given me throughout my life was enough to last a lifetime.

Finding Love

In Addition to losing these two important people in my life I was quickly reminded of how I am still alone. As I sat in a church looking around at my family who I love dearly I realize that everyone has someone to lean on, everyone had a partner, everyone had their own “team” and although it has been Lil C and me for so long, It was then reaffirmed that I wanted something more, I wanted a love a love like theirs.

It’s not like I was being unrealistic, they showed me an example and so have other people in my family and among my peer group. I mean even today this was reaffirmed as I was blessed to learn more about a business associate of mine who has been married to his sweetheart for 30 years! I listened with intent wanting to absorb every bit of information he could provide me so that I could take mental notes on how to be successful in this area of my life. He detailed how they had dated for a few years then split up at which point he moved away for work, eventually met and got engaged to another woman out of state. But, he called off the engagement because something was missing and it didn't feel right... He came back home to Idaho to discover that the one thing that was missing was "her" he came home to his true love and they were engaged and married a short time later. 

His words to describe the last 30 years: "It’s been awesome." It touched my heart; it was so simply put but genuine. He shared with me that he felt the reason they have been able to keep the love alive was that over the years they spent a lot of time commuting to and from work, together. He said the time together to "communicate" is so important "nobody makes time for that anymore" he is so right, speaking from personal experience, I know it has been the detriment of several relationships. His words were just what I needed to hear though...

Love Hurts

During these last few months I came across several bumps in the road and the relationship that I was in it caused me to question whether I should run like I'm used to doing when it seem rough or stick it out. I decided to forgive and keep at it because love makes you do some crazy things and the fact that he was willing to learn from and make it right showed me that he cared, in my mind the goods about him outweighed the little quirks. I knew how valuable and hard it is to find a connection like that. Despite my attempt to give it another chance I was then hit with the third loss. The loss of this relationship, this relationship that I had invested so much of myself in, I had so much hope in, hope for the future.

The pain that is caused and when someone hurts you whether be intentionally or unintentionally the outcome is the same your heart is damaged just like a child that falls on the ground they will have bruises for a while but eventually they will fade. So as I realized that I cannot forgive overnight I understand that love is not picture perfect story. I think the thing that hurt me the most was that I'd put so much of myself into this relationship, with hope for the future and emphasis on whether or not this person loved me, that I forgot the true meaning of being happy. In all the commotion of life and in loss of my dear family, I forgot myself…

Love of One’s Self

It's so simple there's a quote that says "do not ever trust someone that tells you that they love you, if they don't love themselves." I lost sight of that, my sadness, insecurities and anger over feeling let down by someone I loved, were also due to that fact. 

A revelation came to me the other night after this disappointment, that despite whatever happened I am going to love me! I have not spent much time in my life making myself healthy allowing God to work through me and to restore my soul. If you love yourself people will see that you are worth their love and those that don't love and cherish you were never meant to be in your life anyway.

Re-focusing on You

Over the last few weeks I felt a sense of relief like my grandma was telling me "its ok babe, do you."

I had to allow myself to re-focus on me. So that I could be "love-able". So in this short time, I've been blessed with finding ways to get back to me. It honestly has been as simple as making sure I make time to write out my feelings, read more, not take work home every evening, getting out of town and/or allowing myself to get back in touch with nature. The simplistic beauty of my surroundings, allow me to Hear what God is telling me.                                                                                                               
And exercise, this has been HUGE. This has benefited me in so many ways. The first is really the most important to me, that by having an outlet to release all the pent up sadness, disappointment, anger, stress of the day, I get a sense of relief and feel a million times better almost immediately after. I feel as if all those negative feelings are being released through the energy I exert and the sweat I shed. Sounds crazy but hey, it works for me. The second is the more obvious one: weight loss and toning of my body. I had neglected my physical self for so long, being in a caretaker mindset I really didn't realize that I had gotten soft. So far, in the 3 weeks since grandma's passed I have lost 10 lbs. and gone down at least one pant size. My clothes fit better and in that I feel more confident.  

As a single mom I know it is so hard to get this alone times to work out, so some suggestions on what I have done are: I either take my little one along with me and make the workout an adventure, she doesn't even know that it is benefiting her as well: ie: bike rides, hiking, walks, swimming. For the times I really feel that I need to be alone I will wait till she goes to bed and do my little midnight run at the school nearby, or work with weights out back. 

I will continue to practice these things knowing that it will restore me to the point that I need to be. First to be strong for myself and more importantly for this little angel who is completely dependent on her mama. She deserves to have a mom that is physically, mentally, and spiritually healthy. 

Change doesn't happen until you do; well this is my “doing.” No more pity parties I will love ME.

And regarding the feelings of loss of those that I love I have more of a sense of gratitude for being blessed to have had such amazing people in my life. For the loss of such a dear relationship, whether it is a friend, or lover, maybe both; here is what I can say: We are never in control of the actions of others or what their moral compass is telling them, we can only hope and have faith that they will do the right thing. If they are a person of true moral integrity they will. A huge part of it is our responsibility to love ourselves enough to attract a person like this to us.

The next time a relationship goes wrong reflect on yourself and ask yourself "Do I love myself?” If not don't be surprised if things in your relationships are not where you want them to be. You must first change you, before running away from the situation or being left wondering “what went wrong?”  Things will fall into place. It makes it a lot easier when you are able to be in touch with who YOU are and what your convictions are. Those who truly love you will RISE up to your level and love you to this level of respect, those who don’t may throw in the towel. 

Either way when all is said and done you can say you loved YOU, and in turn were able to love them. The devastation won’t be as hard, you will recover quicker, and dust yourself off.  You will be able to raise your head up and focus on you goals and continue with this journey we call life looking forward with hope...

Love yourself.

Finding Love without pain

Finding Love without pain..

"Don't ask the world of someone if you haven't given them the world yourself. LIVE, LOVE,GIVE by example. The people that want to be in your life and desire your love will reciprocate the gesture." ~S.Inezz

I find that I struggle with allowing myself to just let go and feel. It's a very fine line that my emotions walk between loving someone and loving them so much that it hurts. I have no problem giving my love most of the time I give with no expectations of anything in return. Simply because the act of giving brings me joy.  But lately I've struggled with other feelings that I have to overcome and learn to dismiss. These are feelings of neglect, worry, fear, and distrust. All of these add up to pain. Pain from the fear that the love is not returned, worry that obstacles may arise, dis-trust that they will not be as Loyal to me as I have been for them, and an overwhelming fear of being neglected after I've given everything and allowed myself to be vulnerable to them.

How do I overcome? It is true that I have insurmountable faith in God. I trust him. And you'd think That trust would be enough, but my relationships here on earth that bring out these feelings are with another person. A person born of free will That is  given the choice every day to do what's right or what’s  wrong.

Answer: My only true chance to ensure none of these negative experiences are projected onto me is to love someone that had the same unfailing Faith in our creator, and in their own spirituality, because this person will possess the spiritual and moral integrity to love without inflicting pain.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Cor 13 4:8